K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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