It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
