My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
