Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
