He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
