He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
