I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
