Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
