you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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