that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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