Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
