it hurts more in the daytime
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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