i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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