my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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