Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
