We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
