he wants to bone in the snuggie
you will always have a special place in my vag
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
