Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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