wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
