i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
