I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize