you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
