Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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