Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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