bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
