How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
