I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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