OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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