She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
