how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
