I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
