Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
