I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
pray to the hookup gods
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
