I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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