Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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