I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this hospital has no fireball
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
