I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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