I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize