Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
