a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
