Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
