dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
