Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
