Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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