before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
