I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
