i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
