You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
