Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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