I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize