so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
