My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
