The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
