Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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