It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
