so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
