So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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