I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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