had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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