I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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