Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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