i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
