The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
