tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
