i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
