my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
