Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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