I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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