I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
