i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
