My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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