I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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