just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
